"I was changed that night - no, exchanged!" |
Beginnings
I was born October 4th, 1955. I am the oldest of three. I was fortunate enough, growing up, to be blessed with great parents who loved us enough to keep us in line when we misbehaved. Home life as a child was about as normal as
it gets, almost like an episode from "Leave It To Beaver" where situations may have been difficult at times, but always worked out in the end.
Early Inadequacies
Being raised in the Catholic church, I was taught to believe in God and in the Church. I was also taught that God's salvation for me was dependant on my actions and obedience, concerning the requirements of the Church. These are
the earliest memories I have of feeling frustrated with my performance. Because I was Catholic, I loosely believed that the Catholic religion that I was part of was enough, somehow, to justify me getting into to Heaven. However,
it was always more of a hope than an assurance. And, based on my performance (or lack thereof) along the way, even my hopes were severely diminished.
Who Am I?
I can remember at an early age asking questions about the universe and asking; "Who am I", "Why am I", and "What is my ultimate purpose in life?" I loved thinking about anything that was deep and mysterious.
I was always asking "Who, What, Where, When, Why, and How?" I think I made my dad crazy sometimes with all of my philosophical inquiries.
Reasoning and Truth
By time I was a young teenager, I was convinced, by sheer reason, that there was more to the material universe than meets the eye, and that there must be a first cause and purpose for its existence that transcends random naturalistic
processes. (
I go into detail about this on my "Origins" page) Thanks to my Catholic up-bringing, I was sure that "God" was indeed real.
I wanted to know the truth about our existence. But, I found that even the word "truth" was a subjective term to some, who claimed that "everyone defines their own truth". I was not satisfied with this definition
(and still not) because there are no "absolutes" or "definitive meaning" to what something "is", or "is not", with this definition. So, truth, and the search for truth, became very important
to me. It will be important to anyone who wants to make any sense out of anything.
Turbulent 20's - Troubles, and More Troubles
My 20's were a very turbulent time for me. To fulfill a need I had—to be more, and to mask the depression I felt due to my inadequacies, "drugs and rock-and-roll" became my way of life for awhile. My focus became
more and more about me. And, the more I indulged myself, the more disgusted I became with myself. I can remember the night that I turned 30, asking myself "How much longer I can live like this?". That was the year that
my life became unbearable.
My Way - A Dead End
Shortly after my 31st birthday (1986), I realized that something had to change in my life. My attitude and behavior was appalling and needed to stop. So, I made a grand attempt to clean myself up in order to be presentable to God.
Yea right. That lasted less than 24 hours and I was right back where I started - still corrupt to the core! This confused me and taught me a lesson about myself that I never realized before— that I was worse off than I had
ever imagined. (
Isaiah 64:6) For the first time in my life, I tried really hard to be good (by biblical standards) only to learn
that the harder I tried to be good, the more I realized that I was
not good. My way didn't work! I could not make myself holy and righteous, not even close! I was a total failure in trying to be a good person, by any standard.
But what was going to happen next, would change my life forever!
God's Way - A Live Beginning
I became so frustrated with myself, that I took a long walk and had a one-way conversation with God, as I did all the talking. Since my way failed miserably, for reasons that I now know, I finally asked God if He could do anything.
(
Rom 5:8) The next thing that came to my mind was incredible. The Lord, Jesus Christ!. He revealed Himself to me right then and there.
(
Mat 16:17), (
John 17:6) It was
as though a brilliant light had been turned on! In an instant, I understood the purpose of Christ's death for me, and His resurrection for me. (
Amos
4:13) I realized that God's way to man, through the revealing of His Son Jesus Christ, who fulfilled all the holy requirements for me, was nothing like my way to God, which was based on "performance based acceptance".
I was changed that night - no, exchanged! My iniquities and punishment were transferred to Jesus, and Jesus' righteousness was transferred to me. (
2
Cor 5:21) I was given life, when I deserved death!
Faith - The Heavenly Gift
As a result of Christ's life and righteousness imputed to me (
1 Cor 1:30), and considering the Gospel which I had heard earlier,
(
Acts 13:48) it was only natural to willfully respond in belief. (
Phil
2:13) I could not, not believe! My faith was born that night, not because of anything I figured out on my own, or of anything that was a result of my will, (
Rom
9:16) but because of God's almighty power, love, mercy and grace alone, despite my resistance to Him all of my life. (
John 6:44)
I cannot even boast about the faith that I had that night because even the faith that was developed in me was a gracious gift from God. (
Rom 12:3)
I did not seek Him, He sought me! (
Rom 10:20) The grace that God offered to me that night was a free gift. (
Eph
2:8,9) I received it willingly because it was too beautiful and irresistible for me to not receive it. I felt the weight of the world removed from my shoulders that night! What an awesome relief!! Thank you Lord!!!
Assurance and Insurance
Because God is omnipotent (all powerful) and omniscient, (all knowing), and given the fact that He sought me when I was not seeking Him, (
Rom 3:11)
I now enjoy the utmost assurance that He will finish the work that He started in me. (
Phil 1:6) And it is God Himself that says that
He will make me stand firm in Christ. (
2 Cor 1:21)
Finally, I can rest assured that despite my failings, (and my feelings) I have an advocate, Jesus Christ, sitting at the right hand of the Father making intercession on my behalf. (
Rom
8:33,34)
Growth - A Grace Walk
Since my conversion in 1986, the Lord has been growing me in stages—sometimes painful stages. My first year as a believer (the honeymoon stage) was like walking on clouds. Very cushy and easy to manage. I suppose this is because
at that time, I was totally surrendered to Him and to His power in my life, so that anything that was hurled at me was dealt with in His strength and not mine.
But, over time, my theology started to focus on me and my accomplishments, rather than on Him and His accomplishments. Flesh will do this. That's where my grace walk started to falter. Legalism and self righteousness crept in and
life became a struggle again. I quickly found my self "burned-out" from all of the "doing" in what little strength I had.
By the grace of God, I started to focus once again on God's sovereignty and strength, and on His holy purposes and ways, instead of mine. Little by little, I shifted my theology from a
non-reformed view to a
reformed view of God's
sovereign election, (
Eph 1:4-6) and to a view of God's grace that conquers even resistance and unbelief in a man's heart, (
Rom
3:12) like the grace that God administered to me in the beginning. I did not seek Him, but rather, He sought me! (
Rom 10:20)
I need to always remember this and continue to always give God the glory for it.
Labels
I am not ashamed to wear the labels "
Calvinist" or "
reformed" if defined by someone regarding the Biblical doctrines of God's sovereign election, and predestination that I hold dear. However,
let me be clear about this; I am not a follower of John Calvin, Martin Luther, John Edwards, Augustine, John Piper, John Mac Arthur, R. C. Sproul, or anyone else who may have written brilliant works, but rather a follower of Jesus
Christ. I am
Christian first and foremost. I believe in my heart that these fine men, for the most part, preach what Paul preached, and what Jesus taught regarding God's sovereign elect and His irresistible grace, but men
are fallible, still effected by flesh. Mistakes are made in the presuppositions that we develop outside of Scripture and sometimes even inside of Scriptures if we interpret them to accommodate our dogmatic views.
I am a "
5-Point Calvinist", not because I follow John Calvin, or that I agree with everything that John Calvin taught, but because I believe that the
reformed view of election is the correct and biblical view
of God's grace administered to a corrupt and fallen mankind who cannot receive salvation apart from God's divine intervention and invitation.
Our only reliable source, regarding the matter of God's work of redemption, are the Holy Scriptures themselves. I realize that the Scriptures are interpreted differently, which will influence one's doctrinal view to some degree.
But all too often, I find that one's doctrinal view has become the presupposition by which one interprets the Scriptures, rather than allowing the Scriptures to interpret themselves. This is where error and heresies enter the Church,
and usually, where a secular, self focused view of man's part and credit in his election have their basis.
Ever since I discovered God's mighty and sovereign hand in the matters of men and what He did to secure them (and me), I have also discovered His amazing grace and an unfaltering security in His power of perseverance regarding those
who belong to Him. (
2 Cor 5:5)
Eternity - See You There?
I look forward to being united with all of God's children (my brothers and sisters in Christ) in the eternity to come. It will be an experience that we can't even imagine in our finite thinking. So, I dare not even attempt to describe
it creatively without taking the risk of doing it a gross injustice
If you confess with your mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord, and you believe in your heart that He was raised from the dead, then you too will spend your eternity with God. (
Rom
10:9) And if you
have confessed Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you can be assured that God was in it and enabled you to see it and receive it by divine invitation. (
Acts
13:48)
